Veni, Vidi, Vici

Black Gold

2006-02-06T14:40:00.000+03:00

First of congratulations to the Steelers! I fully intended on watching Superbowl XL (that's 40 isnt it?) until Case informed me that festivities would commence at 2am Kuwait time. So much for that plan. However, it is nice to know that airtime in 2006 still commands upwards of $2.5 million for 30 seconds!

So the other day I pulled up at a local gas station only to realize that I was right behind an H2 stretch limo. In many parts of the world, $4.00/gallon petrol would be sufficient incentive for drivers to trade their Hummers and other such 'fuck you' mobiles, in for a bicycle. Not in Kuwait. I remember a long time ago (ok it was the 90's ) when we would stare in awe if we encountered a Mercedes or BMW. Such vehicles have officially been granted B-list status in favour of a whole slew of super-cars (aka super 'fuck-you' mobiles) that include the Ferrari 360 Modena, Bentley GT, Lamborghini Gallardo, Aston Martin DB9 and even the new 2006 Ford GT ( I saw one in front of the stock exchange - where else eh?). Long story short - a Porsche just doesnt cut it anymore! Such is the explosion of wealth in this country. And here I was feeling all good about my Toyota Prado!

Oh and in case you are wondering, the stretch Hummer filled a full tank of gas for the equivalent of $20.

Svedish meatballs?

2006-01-18T10:36:00.000+03:00

I tend to disassociate myself with anything related to Liverpool football club (still reeling from the 2005 Champions league final.....ok maybe I'm just jealous that Steven Gerrard doesnt play for Manchester United) , but after begrudingly reading Alan Hansen's Jan 16 column for the BBC, I found myself in concurence with the Scouse's former central defender. Reporting on the latest debacle involving England manager Sven-Goran Eriksson, (short version: an undercover news-reporter got Sven to admit that he would leave the England camp after this summer's World Cup) Mr Hansen chastized Sven for allowing naiveity and stupidity to dictate events and "make yet another unscheduled appearance on the front pages instead of the back". Functioning as a single, unified unit is the hallmark of any succesful team (think American college football's reigning national champions...more than just the Vince Young show). A united front, with each member operating on the same page, has often been recipee for success over more talented, but inherently disjointed teams. England have world class individuals in every position (Gerrard and Lampard are midfield engines second perhaps only to Rolls Royce), but have time and again produced performances that scaled my pyramid of mediocrity (see earlier post).
Despite his claims to the contrary, Sven's latest clanger will undeniably harm his relationship with the players (only an idiot would reveal to a stranger that Michael Owen was unhappy with life at Newcastle). England need both Wayne Rooney and Michael Owen firing on all cylinders, if they are to counter the might of Ronaldhino and Co. Alas, no thanks to a bumbling Eriksson, team morale will be at an all time low. Hopefully the repercussions of the impending fallout can be somewhat 'managed' before the summer (I say 'manage', because I dont believe the immediate damage can be reversed - A seething Owen has already issued a statement re-affirming his contentment at Newcastle). Nevertheless, England wont get past the quarter finals (would love to see them win it, but its not happening as long as 'Ro-Ro-Ro' - Ronaldo, Ronaldhino and Robinho are in town). The Barmy army wont rest easy knowing that the Svedish meatball has done them no favours.

Puritanical psychosis

2006-01-17T11:29:00.000+03:00

I wish the Kuwait edition of the Daily Star published an online edition, because it would have helped me illustrate the new heights of absurdity that some of these so called 'religion scholars' have reached. These guys must wake up and go "Gee, I wonder how my warped psyche can stir a media frenzy this morning?" Dr Hassan, a local religious scholar, needs to lay of the LSD, because he recently proclaimed it un-Islamic for a man and wife to engage in sexual relations while naked! If the sky's the limit when it comes to absurdity, then this loon is in freakin' orbit. I suppose it is safe to assume that the good doctor and his spouse have sex in level 3 bio-hazard suits with blindfolds on (what kind of sick fantasy is that?). As outraged as I was by his edict, Nabil Al-Fadhil's subsequent column proved a fitting rebuttal (although his choice of words left me rather bemused). Mr Al-Fadhil declared sexual intercourse to be God's greatest gift to man and that married couples should engage in sex in any manner that God permits (a rap on the knuckles for all you shacked up, un-married couples currently living out your necrophilic fantasies!). He adds that having sex while fully clothed was potentially hazardous and could even cause a heart attack. While I was inclined to agree with Mr Al-Fadhil, I couldnt help but ponder certain situations which would justify Dr Hassan's stance. For example, imagine being married to Rosie O' Donnell (most of us would need several shots of Bacardi 151 to kick-start such a thought process). Having that woman disrobe (usually a precursor to sex) would be the equivalent of....holy shit...15 minutes have passed and I cannot conjure a suitable analogy. Perhaps there is no medical emergency quite as grim as Rosie O' Donnell gettin nekkid! Maybe Dr Hassan does have a point afterall? So, if you are Rosie O' Donnell's husband (or wife...wasn't she lesbian at one point?), then hear this - your already traumatized being cannot possibly survive further shock, so please, keep her clothed at all times! On the other hand, this is one of those few instances when abstinance might actually grow the relationship!

For those Texas fans wishing they were in Pasadena this year but found themselves short on tickets, check out Mukund Rajan's blog for advice on the matter (link in the sidebar....yes I am still struggling with basic html!). See you in Tempe next year Mukund!

Oh and all you Aggies (Gov. Rick Perry included) - we're number one baby!

Pyramid of mediocrity

2006-01-15T22:24:00.000+03:00

Well, thanks to Nihar, I have identified the peak in my pyramid of mediocrity. If the summit of my hierachy of superlatives (a sort of Richter scale of badassesness if you will - refer to yesterday's post) is Vincesane, then it is only fitting that its polar opposite be Simmsane (named after former Texas QB Chris Simms now of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers). Simms relationship with the UT faithful was a love/hate one, that effectively bottomed out during the 2001 Big XII championship game loss to Colorado. Head Coach Mack Brown hauled off a forlorn Simms who was literally booed off the field after a typically Simmsane performance (I have always maintained that Tennesee had the last laugh in the whole Chris Simms fiasco after the latter backed out of an agreement to attend college there).

At this point I would like to add that Manchester United's 3-1 derby loss to City last night also slots neatly into the Simmsane category. Unfortunately it looks like Chelsea will be runaway winners again this season. United have simply drawn far too many games against the minnows like Bolton and Everton. I miss the days when Manchester United played with heart. At times this season they have looked like a bunch of headless chickens running around a farmyard.

In contrast, the Texas bball team managed to overcome # 3 Villanova after a pulsating finish in the final minutes. The good thing about college basketball though is that you can have less than a perfect season and still go all the way in the playoffs. Lets face it - the BCS system in college football sucks. Sure it worked in Texas's favour this year, but I am still championing a playoff system. Alas as with many things in life, there is just too much money vested in the bowl system for such a radical overhaul.

Today was a fairly sombre day in Kuwait after news broke that the Amir had indeed passed away. Times have indeed changed. When we first moved to Kuwait in 1982, he was in power and Kuwait was still a conservative society both economically and socially. Alas he has departed Kuwait where in 2006 conservatism means you opt for the full option Porsche Cayanne Turbo instead of a Ferrari 360 Modena. A fair number of people awoke this morning thankful for not having to go into work (most offices are shut for 2-3 days). However this quickly turned to boredom when they realized that just about every form of entertainment, including cinemas, malls, and restaurants, would to remain shut during the same period. Whomever said the sun would never set on Marina mall?

Till next time...

Vincesanity

2006-01-14T10:31:00.000+03:00

The process of inducting a word to the Oxford English dictionary appears substantial. Requirements mandate that the word in question must not only appear in print, but undergo use for a sustained period of time. This would no doubt immediately disqualify the now famous (or, depending on your perspective - infamous) scandal, dubbed 'Pizza-gate', that rocked the English Premiership during the 2004 season (long story short, Sir Alex was pelted with pizza during a tunnel fracas that saw a savage Manchester United-Arsenal encouter transition quickly into a 3 ring circus that would stand the Ringley bros proud. Having said that, the aforementioned affair stands second to none other but the comical bust up starring Lee Bowyer and Kieran Dyer of Newcastle infamy). However I digress.

Texas's recent national championship - its first in 35 years can be largely attributed to the heroics of one man - Vince Young. Writes Bill Little in a tribute to both Young and famed poet Khalil Gibran, "Vince Young sailed off in the sunset on Sunday. Behind, he left an amazing legacy, a rare and unique person whose qualities were many, whose significant shadow will be cast on Texas football forever." In the aftermath of the Pasadena shootout, USC's DE Frostee Rucker would remark - "He's a beast, man. He did his thing." A BEAST indeed. Such were Young's feats during the BCS Championship game against USC at the Rose Bowl (ahem..200 yds rushing and 265 yds passing), that the university community, Austinites, Texans, Americans and any fan of college football on God's green earth (now a rather burnt hue of orange btw), were witness (thanks to the efforts of the national media - ESPN, CNNSI, et al) to the birth of a new word - Vincesanity.

Permit me to illustrate, so that the not-so-enlightened have a chance to contemplate this heirarchy of 'superlatives'. The order is as thus:

VINCESANE
Beastly, Insane
Badass, Olympian, Berserk
Awesome, Stunning, Wicked, Hardcore
Cool, Neat, Noteworthy, Delightful, Inspired

For example, picture a couple of sports fan's camped around a Keg during an alcohol fueled house party (hmmm I'm having a college flashback...). Post the 2005 National Championship, their conversation might go something like.

Dude A: "Dude, did you see the game last night"
Dude B: "Yeah Dude, it was VINCESANE!"

I forsee the adaptation of this word in other realms of sport that bear no relation to College football. For example, in recalling Brian Lara's legendary 400 n/o innings against England, a couple of West Indian cricketing fans might remark:

Mon A: "Hey mon, remember when Lara hit dat 400 in Antigua?"
Mon B: "Yeah mon, dat Lara is VINCESANE!"

This example not only employs the use of this new highest of superlatives, but also illustrates its retrospective power. Lara's feats were accomplished in 2004, but henceforth will be fondly remembered as 'Vincesane'!

Speaking of cricket, India's performance in the opening test during their tour of Pakistan has been the utter antithesis of Vincesanity. The visitors have managed to concede a mammoth 679 runs in the first innings! Although hard to benchmark such an ass pounding, memories of the USAF's annihilation of Tora Bora come to mind. Such a performance has hence forced me to contemplate a hiearchy of mediocrity (your submissions are welcome).

But I refuse to let this bring me down from my week long high. Texas are national champions! I will close with a quote from an old song sung in the sacred terraces of Old Trafford in an age when Manchester United reigned supreme - "Stand up for the CHAMPIONS!"

- Hook em